Tommy Comes Out

I announced on June 27, 2022, to the local gay pride festival in Twisp (next town south of Winthrop) that I am coming out as a gay man.  In  the last few months I’ve done a lot of reflection, recall, and sorting of various aspects of my personality and affect.  I can finally see the separations and overlaps in them, and that gave me access to the truth.

My introduction of my announcement at the festival:  "Sixty years ago, when I was 14, my friends were becoming more interested in girls, but I was becoming more interested in them.” (laughs and cheers).

I’m sure this seems kind of surreal, as it had to me.   But I have come to see that it was only the denial of the past that makes things surreal.   I have ramped up my Zen practice, which has a focus on clarity of moment to moment experience, and that may have helped me see the truth.  Yes, I am the kind of person who takes his religion into all aspects of his daily life (although one can debate whether Zen or any other form of Buddhism is a religion).

It’s a long story.  As I told the crowd, which was surprisingly large, I could probably take bits and pieces of their stories and assemble mine.  I was especially impressed by the young people who are certain in what they are, and it’s a wonderful thing to see them have the freedom to do that. One boy about 12 read a very personal poem on dysphoria.   My experience as a kid is that everything I said was turned against me, so I turned against myself.  Now I’ve finally unwound that.

A favorite quote of mine...

"If I am not for myself, who is for me?   And being for my own self, what am ‘I’?   And if not now, when?”  -Hillel the Elder

(Hillel the Elder was a Talmud scholar, ca. 110 bce to 10 ce, who also gave us the golden rule.)

I did a posed photo for the local gay community FB site.  I’m told it will be posted here...

https://www.facebook.com/methowpride/

If you see it, send me a copy, I don’t do FB.

Encouragement from my Zen teacher, whose only daughter is gay, and which I read to the pride gathering:

However you present to the world, you'll be your precious self. That's what people love. And I know that coming out can be deeply affecting, important not only to you but to others. That's something to be proud of, definitely! ❤️😍👏

I got big hugs from some gay and straight friends, including my local doctor. I didn’t know he was gay, as I have no gaydar, but he’s too cute to not be.  

Love to you all,

=Tommy=